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Empathy Sucks - Chapter 5



When I awake, my first thought is how incredibly uncomfortable it is lying on the hard, wood floor. But conversely, that this is also the most comfortable I have been for a long time. My head is resting on the inside of Spike’s arm. I’m totally spooned against his body, he has one leg hooked up and over my hips and one strong arm wrapped snugly across my chest, fingers splayed out as if he fell asleep caressing me. And in this waking I find a perfect metaphor for why I need Spike in my life, and why I hope to convince him that he needs me. Why I returned to Sunnydale for him. No matter how bad my life is, no matter how much pain and suffering there is, he will be there easing the fear and aching and making me lie down in his soft embrace.

I glance at my watch and realise with a pleasant tingle of anticipation that we’ve only been lying here a little under an hour. There are still a few hours left before the daily grind begins. And I know just what I want to spend those hours doing. And I know for certain, it doesn’t involve hard, wooden floors.

I put a hand on the thigh that is thrown carelessly across me and start making small but persistent circles with my fingers.

‘Bugger off. I’m asleep.’

I increase the firmness of my caress.

‘What part of bugger off, don’t you understand?’

But it’s said with only a feeble pretence at annoyance.

I move my hand off his thigh and further back to one perfect cheek and dip my finger down towards his hole. My spent cum is still sticky and thick around it, making a ready lubrication. When I push the finger against the tightness, Spike is silent. I take this as agreement and continue, pushing slightly harder, easing the tip of the finger in as far as the first knuckle. With a slight, but unmistakable hiss of pleasure, Spike takes his arm off my chest and laying it on my exploring hard, pushes too, until my finger is buried deep in his hole.

‘I thought you wanted to sleep,’ I say, with a low chuckle.

‘Well, I guess bugger me, sounds more fun than bugger off. Poof.’

‘Bed?’ I ask hopefully. I’m really uncomfortable now.

‘Oh yeah!’ With that Spike pulls away, grabs the hand which was so recently giving him pleasure and pulls me up and towards the bed. I notice with a delightful frission of anticipation, that his cock is painfully swollen from lack of attention, but before I can reach for him to minister to its needs, he pushes me face down onto the bed and straddles my hips. Lying down forcefully across my back, he catches my hands and extends them up, over my head, entwining his fingers in mine, effectively pinning me to the bed.

‘Cut the crap now, Angel. What is THIS?’ He wiggles his hard cock slightly against my backside. ‘What is this all about? And don’t lie to me. Again.’

I wanted more time. I wanted to frame my words carefully in a measured and reasoned discussion, in the cold light of day. I didn’t want to try and explain myself when bathed in sweat and cum and feeling Spike against every part of my body.

‘Don’t lie to me, Angel,’ he repeats. And as if to fully make his point, I feel the sharp pricks of his fangs against the back of my neck. Nothing could more effectively make me attempt the truth because by that action he reminds me of his power over me, my obligation to him and of our long, long history together. Time seems frozen in this moment. I desperately need to get this right.

‘Spike,’ I make a safe, cowardly start. ‘Spike!’ I say again more forcefully. ‘I never stopped loving you. I had to leave you behind because I came to a new place that you couldn’t follow me to. It felt as if I slowed down and saw humans for the first time in two hundred and fifty years. How could you have understood that?’ I don’t know if my words are making sense but the small pricks of his fangs have given way occasionally to soft licks of his tongue, as if in listening to my words, his growing belief in their veracity is acted out in his ministrations. Perhaps he understands more that even I give him credit for.

‘I lost Darla, I lost Dru, I lost Penn. All my family, except you. I lost my two precious Childer because they could not come to me in this new place. I almost lost you. But you have been allowed to make the journey. You can come to me. But I feared losing you even more decidedly by this very journey. Because this is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do...learn to live with a soul. I feared you would lose your way. So what I’m trying to say is...’ With a strong twist, I throw his unsuspecting form off me and reverse our control, pinning him on his back on the bed. ‘What I am trying to say is... I want to be your Sire again. Your teacher, your mentor...and I guess, after tonight, your lover.’

‘Uh Huh.’ Spike, ever the one for the sharp repost is silenced. He’s clearly processing my words, looking for hidden meaning, traps, lies. And he can’t find any. I keep his eye contact, willing him to believe me. And he clearly does.

‘Oh, just shut up you poof, and shag me already!’

And I am more than willing to do just that.


Well, that was nice. Unexpected, but nice. This is nice, too. Sprawled on the poof’s warm, soft bed which smells of him, of us, with nothin’ much to do. Ponce got up an hour ago to go to the office. Office! What a wuss! Life’s too short to work, even when you’re immortal. But gives me a chance to think. I’m not sure what happened last night…well, OK, I know he shagged me for hours. On the floor. In the bed. On the floor again and once in the shower this morning. So yeah, that bit I get. What I’m not sure I get, is why. And what he thinks I’m supposed to be gettin’ out of this.

Now in theory, it’s a good idea. Sire, mentor, friend and lover. But you seriously have to wonder what exactly it is that Angel thinks he can help me with. Cus from where I was last night – admittedly, that was pretty much impaled on his cock for hours – but from where I was, he looked more in need of saving than me.

Sure the woman was a shock. I wasn’t prepared – didn’t have the old Big Bad defences up and ready. So, shit, must have looked pretty pathetic last night, all fuckin’ weepy an’ needy. And I know I’ve been blaming Angel for the last six months for not caring enough for me. For not coming for me. But I’m good at blaming stuff on others – one of me most effective traits! All in all, I’ve been coping OK. Sure, I've gotten a bit possessive of the children, afraid they're gonna get killed every time I'm not there to protect them. And yeah, I'm lonely. I'll admit that. But I've been coping. For six months that is. Angel’s had his soul for over one hundred years and he’s still a serious fuck-up.

So, he’s gonna be my mentor?

Uh huh!

He’s gonna be my teacher?

Can’t see it somehow.

Sure, if he’s gonna teach me to brood in the dark. If he’s gonna teach me to say I’m sorry a thousand times a day. If he’s gonna teach me not to laugh or smile. Fuck, maybe he’ll teach me not to fucking swear. Or, soddin’ hell, to wear hair-gel. Nope. I think old Spikey’s got a real job (jees, wash out my fucking mouth)…a real job on his hands.

Empathy sucks?

Well, so do I.

An’ I do it better.

Wonder what the sad tosser’s doin’ now. What does he actually do? Got a big desk. Got an office. But I mean, what can Angel do ‘cept kill and shag? Think it’s time to pay lover boy an office call. What shall I wear for me big, ‘visit Daddy in his office day?’ Hum, don’t like any of my stuff any more. Too covered in mud and…don’t want to think about that. My clothes lie in an untidy trail on the floor covered in mud…like hers. Don’t want to think about that. Bet the poof’s thinking about it though. Bet he’s all broody and depressed.

If nothing else will get me out of this soft, comfortable bed, it’s the thought of Angel upstairs. In pain. Alone.

For a private investigations office, it’s surprisingly quiet when I get upstairs. Seems it’s lunchtime for the humans, cus they ain’t around. Poof’s sitting at his desk with his back to the door. Brooding in the half-light. I can feel his pain from here.

I move quietly behind him and sit on the edge of the desk.

‘Afternoon. I was wondering when you’d get up.’

‘Yeah, it’s still morning, tosser, an’ you know it. And since when did vampires have to get up during the day? It’s obscene. That’s what it is!’

‘It’s the first lesson you are going to learn, Spike. The first thing I want to teach you.’

‘Err…fucking WHAT?’ I know this Sire crap was gonna be bad! I left school…well, OK, I never actually went to school…but I’m one hundred and twenty six and I don’t need to learn stuff.

‘It’s human time. We need to fit in. Be like them. It makes us more accessible.’

‘Hey, judging by last night, mate, I think I’m accessible enough!’

At that he turns and gives me a shy smile. I guess the poor bugger is a mite embarrassed. It’s not easy to let your defences down like that. Show your raw need and desires. I shift on the desk till I’m sitting opposite him and place my bare feet on his thighs. I rest my chin in my hand and stare at him.

‘What?’ He’s worried now. I start to move one foot in his lap, pushing the heel against his promising bulge.

‘I’m planning.’

‘Oh God! No!’

‘Oh, you’re gonna like this plan!’

‘Like I liked the Parent Teachers’ Night plan, or the shackle me to mad vampire plan or the Love Spell for Dru plan or the Marcus Plan? Like it like those sort of plans?'

I shove a little too hard against his cock and he grunts in pain. ‘Take me seriously, tosser. This is an important plan.’

‘Go on then, Spike, tell me your important plan.’

Fuckers got that irresistible grin on his face like he’s so superior.

‘It’s a plan for you, tosser.’

‘Me? Why me?’

‘Cus I’m gonna save you. That’s what.’ I’ve now effectively managed to pull the waistband of his sweats out and down below his very promising erection. I move one toe up and down his engorged shaft. He’s not concentrating on me plan as well as he should.

‘Err…I give in, Spike. Saving me from what?’

‘From yourself.’ I say with a satisfied smirk, cus he walked right into that one.

‘No, I’m saving you. That’s what you’re here for. That’s what I told you last night. Showed you last night!’

‘No, you showed me how to shag for Britain last night. I don’t recall saving Spike was a measurable outcome of…’ohhhh, fuck me, Spike, fuck me, Spike.’

‘You know very well I didn’t say…ahhh.’

He’s not really concentrating on this little tete a tete now cus his tete a dick is weeping precum and his borrowed blood is making the whole shaft throb under the ministration of my foot. I lean forward and casually swirl a finger across the slit, following its short trail, then crossing its tiny edges in a flicking motion. Angel rears back in his chair with an anticipatory gasp. ‘Like that, hey poof?’

‘Ummm!’ Is his coherent reply. Encouraged, I slip quickly out of the borrowed jeans and turn around on the desk, offering myself fully open to his inspection. He takes his cock in one hand and with the other starts exploring the edges of my ever-willing hole.

‘Come on, Angel, will yer just fuck me already?’ I think everything’s going to plan when he suddenly pulls up his pants and throws mine at me.

‘Get dressed!’ he hisses. ‘It’s one thirty.’

‘Err…and that is…?’ I say, in a pissed off voice.

‘They’ll be back! From lunch. God, I was supposed to be signing letters. They’re not finished.’

‘Signing letters! Fuck Angel. You’re a Master Vampire. You do not sign fucking letters, mate. You shag me. Whenever, wherever you want.’

Oh you are a sad, sad fuck, Angel, you really are. That’s it. You are being saved…whether you like it, or not!’