William lay in bed holding himself. It was a poor substitute, but his penis was as Liam's, and it comforted him. He ran his hands over his chest. It was not as broad, but it was smooth, and he could thus feel Liam under his hands. He turned on the pillow and saw dark eyes next to him, loving him, imbuing him with their unearthly power. He fell asleep to thoughts of his life with Liam and woke late in the afternoon, burning to be with him.
When he got to the house, he pushed in through the rear door as he had before. Immediately, he felt something was wrong. There was no evidence of occupation - but there had been none before. There was just a subtle shift in the atmosphere that told William that whatever had been here was here no longer. Liam was here no longer. He flew up the stairs and into Liam's room. It looked carelessly left. No one occupied any of the other rooms either. He went meticulously through each one, looking for the note he felt sure Liam would have left for him. Liam loved him; how could he leave without even a note?
There was nowhere William could go to burn off the agony that tore at him. He had come to the house pumped up on adrenalin, testosterone awash in his body, confused, burning, needing something that only Liam could supply; but he had found sterile emptiness. He howled out his frustration and began to break things, smashing a chair into a wall, the unexpected feel of the violence making his blood sing in his ears. He began on the bed, shredding the sheets as best as his feeble strength would allow.
'I'm glad now that I stole the best set when I left.'
William whirled around, white fragments floating down around his head. The dark shadow he had come to want more than his own life leant casually in the doorway, watching him with interest. 'Do finish, Will; I will have the benefit of that passion later.'
William came up to him and hit him across the face. He fell back in pain, holding his wrist in wonder. It had been like hitting marble, and he feared his wrist was broken. Liam took it in his cold hand. 'I will tolerate that, Will, for again, the passion excites me, but do not think you can transgress like that again.'
'You left without a sodding note, Liam. I've been thinking of you all day; Christ, I even dreamt of you, and you left without a note.'
Liam chuckled. 'I think you could call me a kind of walking note. I'm here, am I not?'
Tears sprung to William's eyes. 'What is this? Do you love me? Is this love? What are we doing? What am I doing?'
'Hush. Too many questions. Questions are for those that still require answers, my little study. Come and kiss me. Let that be enough of an answer for you.'
William came willingly to the strong arms. He tried to make Liam his through the kisses. He pushed his tongue into Liam's mouth as he had felt Liam do to him. He eased his hand voluntarily in between them and began to squeeze and release Liam's balls, just as he had done to his own the night before. Liam groaned into the kiss, and William felt his heart soar. He jerked his head away and tried to pull Liam to the shredded bed. 'Please. I don't know exactly what or how… but I want you, Liam, as I have never wanted anyone. I burn for you, somehow, as if you were in my blood.'
Liam pursed his lips and allowed himself to be pulled to the bed. Fumbling, almost sick with tension, William began to unbutton Liam's coat. It was too slow; he left it and sank to his knees, working urgently on the buttons of Liam's britches. Liam lowered his head and watched the bitten fingernails working him with such eagerness. William opened the front of Liam's clothes and revealed the thick shaft and soft patch of curled hair. He laid his forehead on the hard shaft as if seeking benediction in the fluid that leaked from it. He nuzzled into the musky, male smell, mewing slightly in his need. His mouth began to water with need, and he flicked his tongue out to taste the cool skin. It set him on fire, and he began to lick frantically up and down the silky column as a puppy with his first bone.
Suddenly, he was lifted by the shoulders of his coat. Face to face with Liam, he cried out at the loss of the pleasures he had anticipated. Liam tipped his head on one side and said softly, 'How much do you want it, Will?'
'Oh, God, do you not know that I love you?'
'Who speaks of love? I speak of want, Will. It is something so much more powerful than love. How much do you want me?'
'Enough to die for you. You must know that.'
'Ahh… now we come to the cusp of the pretty pattern we have made. Enough to die for me?'
'Enough for others to die?'
'W-what….' William took a deep breath, trying to quieten his heartbeat, afraid it would give away his fear. 'What do you mean?'
'NO! Not out again. In. Here. Liam! I need you. Please!'
Liam allowed no refusal. He dragged William out of the room, buttoning himself up at the same time. He pulled him out of the door and set him on his feet. 'Now, keep up.' William had to run for fear of losing him. He began to breathe heavily, but Liam had no mercy. William expected him to return to the dark sections of the city, but Liam went to its heart; he sought out the theatre district and pulled William into the shadows of a building. He turned on William and began to rain kisses over his face, his neck, his hair. With a mischievous look, he fell to his knees and pressed his face into the front of William's britches. William flung his head back with a gasp of shock at the pleasure that washed through his body. He felt an orgasm surfing toward him and began to cry when the face was pulled away. 'Soon, my little pet, soon. Now, look.'
Liam took his shoulders and turned William toward a door. He saw that it was a stage door at the back of a theatre. A man came out in odd attire, and befuddled though he was by the blood roaring through his loins, William recognised the man who had ruined Hamlet for him in that previous lifetime he could hardly remember.
'If you let me kill him, I will put my face to you again, Will. If you let me kill him, I will unbutton you. If you let me kill him, I will take you in my mouth. I will take you in my mouth, Will. My tongue will bathe you…. What? You resist? Still, you resist? I had not anticipated such delight.' Liam turned William to face him and regarded his pale, sick expression. He smiled. 'Will, if you let me kill him, I will love you as you need to be loved. We will never be apart; we will set the world on fire with our poetry…. If you let me kill him.'
William's body sank against Liam's. He pleaded to be released from the passion… but only in his head. Into the dark night, he said, 'Yes.'
He did not know if he heard the man die, but he heard a crunch as if Liam bit into a sharp, green apple. He heard swallowing and the sound of the apple being enjoyed. He kept his eyes closed and thought about the love they would share. All sound then ceased, and when William looked up, he was alone with a dead body that looked obscene in its pale stillness. William vomited and cried out for the love that he had been promised.
William's fever became physical, and he lay in his bed, burning up, thinking about death. His throat was parched, but however much water he drank, it was never enough. His body was coated with sweat, and every drop condemned him in his mind as a murderer. He cried buckets of useless salt into an uncaring night, and every drop condemned him as a hypocrite - for he did not really care. At that moment, in that bed, he would have murdered his own mother for Liam's touch. He would have died himself for Liam's love. He rose again in the late afternoon and went out as soon as it was dark. The darkness embraced him, hid some of the sin that hung around him. He went toward the old house again, going through the park to avoid better-lit areas. He was just going toward the gate when he saw them… all three of them. Once more, time slowed for William. The family were moving out of time; they appeared to flow over the ground, life and energy sparking off them. Unnaturally pale in the night, they glowed, flowed with the subtle currents around them. William stood back. The women were incredible. They exuded strength just as Liam did. Intent on their passage, they passed William as if he were merely one of the ornamental railings. William felt the ground tremble as they went but realised, with a shudder, that it was merely his own knees trembling. He began to run, following the dancing figures. They did not slow their pace at all. After a short time, he lost them but one agonising dash more, and he caught sight of Liam's back entering an elegant house just ahead of him. He ran to the door and hammered on it. He cried Liam's name; the door swung open to receive him. He fell inside and strong arms caught him. 'Silly rabbit. Now I'll 'ave to eat you, too.'
William sank to the mat, and the unnatural exertion, coupled with his fever, sent him into a deep faint.
He was in a state of semi-wakefulness. It was a terrifying state that he had experienced before: he could hear everything, but he could not move or will himself fully awake to end the paralysis. When this had happened before - often after a fever - he would allow himself to go back to sleep, and then seemed to wake naturally. This time was different, for this time, he was not alone. Strong arms held him, and he could hear the sounds of voices.
'Can I keep 'im?'
'No, Drusilla. You would squash him in a few hours, and I do not fancy clearing up the mess.'
'Let her be, Darla. She will amuse us with her play.'
'That thing is not amusing, Angelus. It wasn't when you first brought it home, and I have surprised myself how I have restrained from killing it.'
'I know. It's pitiful mewing has almost done me in.'
'So, what are you going to do with it now? You played with it; you tidy it away.'
'Shall I turn it? A mewing poet demon?'
'Don't you dare. I cannot stand it now; eternity with it would be worse than hell. Besides, its soul is full of you.'
'His soul. It oozes you; do you not smell it?'
'I thought that was his fear.'
'No, it's his disgusting passion for you. If you turn him that will be the last thing his soul was filled with. It will haunt you for eternity.'
'Yes, but his soul won't come back, so I don't see the problem.'
'Do as you wish, Angelus. I have stepped in more attractive things, but you always did enjoy odd toys.'
'Don't look at dear Drusilla like that. Look, she's feeding her baby. How amusing.'
'That's the first tit he's had in his mouth, I'd bet. Pity for him he can't enjoy it.'
'I don't think our William is much into tits, my love.'
'No, he liked your hard nubs though, I'm thinking. Don't, Angelus, put it away - I'm in no mood for sucking you tonight. Clear that mess away however you like, but I want it gone from this house when I wake. Drusilla! Come. I require you tonight.'
'Maybe I should just eat him.'
'Do it while he's like that then, for even he would not consent, and I do NOT want to be woken by his laughable attempts to fight you off.'
'I could get him to consent.'
'Angelus, are you making a bet with me?'
'What would the prize be, my love?'
'What is always your prize?'
'Ahh, then I must ensure that I win.'
'See that you do then. Dru. I have called you twice. A third time of asking would be unfortunate for you.'
William decided that this paralysis was not as before - that he was not really hearing, unable to move. He reasoned this was a nightmare brought on by passion and fever. He felt his head hit the floor, and he knew no more for some time.
He awoke to more strong arms, but this time, they were naked, and they were Liam's. He groaned and turned to him, snuffling slightly. 'What happened? I've had horrible dreams, Liam. I feel sick.'
'Shh, love, do not fear; I am here.' There was a slight giggling at this, and when William tried to sit up, Liam said contritely, 'Sorry, only it seems I'm a poet, only I don't….'
'There you go. Feeling better already.'
'You left me again. You promised you would love me if I let you… but you left.'
'Oh, little one, I realised what I had done. Do you think such a thing is easy to commit and then fall into the arms of the one you love as if nothing had happened?'
'So, you do love me? Only I had this dream, and it was your voice but….'
'Shhh, I have strange dreams, too, Will. One day, I may share them with you. Would you like that?' Liam sat William up in the bed and laid a hand on his cheek. He smiled softly. 'Now, I'm thinking... there's us… there's a bed… and there's this….' He took William's hand and pressed it to his front. 'Do you feel the flesh beneath the cloth, Will? So hard. Hard for you. I want you now. You have come such a long way for me, and I want you now. Shall I show you the last thing that I have to show you? Shall I give you my last gift?' He knelt up and began to slowly unbutton his britches. The material fell away to each side, and they slid off his hips to pool around his knees.
Erect, impossibly swollen, Liam's penis swayed in front of William's face. He put a hand to William's hair and twisted it into his fingers, gradually pulling the pale, sick face toward him. 'Smell me, Will. This is the smell of a man - the closest you will ever be to it, anyway. Touch me now. Just here, on the tip, where my fluid runs for you.' Liam arched back at William's soft touch. He swore under his breath and hissed, 'More delight than I anticipated. A pleasurable bet, after all.'
'What do you mean?' The petulant tone drew Liam's gaze back to William's face.
'Nothing, lover of mine. Your tongue - I need your tongue on me now. I am cold, and I want your heat.'
William regarded the swaying shape. He leant forward as if to obey, but something made him hesitate, and instead, he put a hand to the tip and eased the foreskin off. Liam snagged his hands even more firmly in the soft brown hair and moaned his encouragement to this exploration. William allowed his face to be pressed tightly into Liam's groin. He could smell him intently; a scent that smelt as his own arousal did at night when he longed to hold himself but feared the retribution that would follow such wicked acts. He felt no such fear now. The scent intoxicated him as the heady scent of fine wine, and he wanted to drink its source. He placed the tip of his tongue to the glistening stream and let it bubble and pool down into his mouth.
Suddenly, Liam pushed William onto his back and fumbled with his fastenings. He cursed and just ripped them open. William moaned when his own erection sprung free, and he expected Liam to bend and put his tongue on him, too. He cried out when Liam flipped him over and heaved him up, so his backside stuck up naked toward his face. He tried to pull away, protesting, but Liam only murmured his appreciation and bent his face to that delight instead.
William had never been licked anywhere before - being licked on his anus slightly undid him. When Liam began to bite softly around the virgin hole, William thrashed his head on the bed and begged for more. He heard a soft chuckle, and the licking became pressure as if, with just a little encouragement, William would feel that soft tongue inside him. 'Do you want me, Will?'
'Liam! Please, I don't know anything about what we are doing, but I want you to push something into me. Please.'
'Your poetry deserts you, Will. Perhaps you took up the wrong profession; did you no think of that? Now, again, do you want me?'
'I want you more than I want myself.'
'Ahh, that is pretty. I'm liking that. So, again, how much do you want me to do this, Will… like this?' He eased a finger into Will and just tempted and teased the sensitive walls around the edge of the wet hole.
William began to cry, deep sobs of frustration making his body shudder. 'I want you more than life itself, Liam. I love you. I love you.'
His backside was lowered, and William found himself pulled back into Liam's embrace. An icy touch on his ear, and Liam's tongue began to explore there instead. 'Do you mean it, Will?'
'God, yes, Liam. I love you.'
'No, do you love me more than your own life?'
'Yes. Whatever that means. I don't like my life much, so being with you is all I care about.'
'Will you come on a journey with me?'
'A journey? I just want to do this….'
'No, we must go on a long journey, Will. Together.'
Liam chuckled against William's ear. 'No, precious one, not India. Farther.'
'Is there farther?'
'Will you come? I have prepared a place for you. Promise me you will come, and I will show you where.'
'How long will the trip take?'
Liam laughed. 'It will continue my eternity. Is that long enough?'
'I don't understand what you mean. But I can't leave M….'
'You said I was more important than your life.'
'You are. Liam, can't we just…?'
'Yes, kiss me, Will.' He turned William in his arms and rained kisses down on him. He laughed and nuzzled and bit and licked and played with him as if he were a delightful new toy. William rose to the adoration. This is what he had dreamed of. The other…? The entering…? That was something he wanted but didn't want to… want to want. But this? This was true love. This is what would give his life true meaning. He rose to Liam's mouth and whispered, 'I love you; you are my life.'
Liam placed his mouth to William's neck. 'If I take my life from you, will you say no?'
'What? I don't….'
'Say yes, William, invite me in, and you will never be apart from me. You will be part of me more profoundly than you can understand. I need you, so I can live. I love you. William, I love you.'
'Oh, God, take me. Liam, just take whatever you need from me, but love me, please.' He felt the sharp piercing of his skin. He felt himself floating away on a peaceful tide that was Liam's love for him.
'You did it.'
'I sure did.'
'Don't sound so gleeful, Angelus. I shall have to punish you for this.'
'After I've had my reward, my love. He welcomed me at the end.'
'Hmm. He didn't know you were going to turn him.'
'Hardly, he thought I was going to fuck him.'
'Would you have?'
'Darla, I'd rather stick it in dog shit.'
'Hmm. Maybe that should be your punishment for this then.'
'Err… that thing or the dog shit?'
'I'll leave you worry about it. So, are you going to stake it? Look, it's awake. It'll need feeding or staking. You decide.'
William drifted back to hell. He'd been there for sometime, and it was beginning to seem familiar. It wasn't the pain - although that was intense all over his body - it wasn't the fear - although that was acute and had already made his wastes flood from his body. It was the realisation that, as hell actually existed, all the rest existed as well: heaven, God, redemption, salvation, endless happiness… just as he had lost any chance to ever have any of those things again.
He had been visited by many people as he lay huddled naked in the dark, the demon in him gradually swelling and eating him alive from the inside. They came in a slow progression, some mocking, some sympathising. The young man with the dark beard and intense blue eyes had merely looked sadly at him and moved on, but strangely that visitation upset him the most. Some of the progression puzzled him. The young blond girl with the strange, indecent clothes terrified him, and he could not look in her eyes. He cried out in his blind panic for Liam, for he knew that Liam would be at the end of this strange journey.
William wanted the place Liam had promised him.
He opened his eyes to find himself in the dark. He lay in old bodily fluids. He was cold. He was naked. He huddled into himself and felt his flesh; it was not as it once had been. He heard a sound, looked up and saw Liam. He could not stand, so he began to crawl toward him. Everything that he had been still yearned toward Liam, but now, everything that he innately felt he had become yearned toward him also. What was that old, pale love he had thought defined him? He had loved Liam with the purity of his soul; now he loved him with a fury and a passion that burnt. All this pain, all this long, hideous journey that he sensed he was never to return from - it had all been worth it for Liam's love, and now, in this body, he could love him as passionately and as violently as he wanted. The crawling was embarrassing, painful. Why did he not come over and lift him up to that place he had promised for him? He reached the elegant boots, and they wavered in front of his new, still unfocused eyes. 'Liam? My love?'
The dark presence backed off and folded his arms, tipping his head on one side. He began to laugh. 'Hello, Will.'
William tried to speak more fluently but could only croak. 'Help me.'
The laughing became slightly manic, and spit sprayed out into the air. The darkness turned on its heel and began to leave, but paused and said gleefully, 'Oh, by the way, William. I've been thinking about nothing else, and I think I've finally got it…. "If I cannot have your love, I think that I will die. And your scorn will spark alight my funeral pyre… which is a bit of pisser now I'm a vampire." What do you think? The rhythm is kinda wrong, but hell - who cares?'
Still giggling, he snatched open the door, hesitated one more time and said with a click of his fingers - as if remembering something important. 'By the way, my name is Angelus. I suggest you make an effort to remember that.'
He lay huddled still in the corner of the dark space. The progression had begun again. First the young man with the eyes who said he had been lost, was now found, but was still lost. It upset him just enough to be unnerved when the others began to arrive. She came first: the small blond who was not a mother but something evil. She spoke things to him that should not be said, and he cowered before her power. Then Drusilla. She always came next. He could cope with her, for she only called him her silly rabbit and played with him, but she heralded in the next one: the other blond who so confused him. She never stayed long, as if she realised it was not her time, but that was the part he feared the most, for in the space of her leaving, he had the anticipation of… his arrival… and he always came.
He hunched himself in tighter and waited for the footsteps. He waited for the slight swish of air that heralded his arrival, and there he was. He knelt to him and began to laugh. 'Do you still love me, Will?'
He did not reply. It was best. The dark figure rose and began to leave. As he reached the door, he turned and smiled. 'Remember, you wanted the journey. You begged me for it. You welcomed me in. I told you: I am always invited.'
He waited until he could hear the voices no more.
He rose in the short respite before they began again.
Then Spike went in search of the school's rats on which he now fed, wondering if Buffy would come for real one day, wondering if there was anything real anymore in a place where all was confusion.