On Me - Chapter 8
I wake with Spike sleeping very
peacefully in my arms. His face is already healed and back to its beautiful
lines and planes of perfection.
I slip very quietly out from under him and arrange him comfortably on the bed, noting with pleasure how well-healed most of his superficial wounds are.
Moving into the kitchen, I phone up to the office and leave a message on the answer machine for Cordelia in the morning. I give her a very truncated version of the truth: that Spike got attacked, that heís badly hurt, and that Iím going to take him away for a few days to heal quietly. Then I ring David. I know itís six pm, but this is too important to wait and, as I knew he would, David agrees to my request immediately. Nothing left to do but pack up supplies.
While I wait for Spike to wake, I sit alongside him and watch him in his sleep. I think he is the most beautiful man I have ever seen. And I had the power to capture that beauty and make it mine for eternity. The first time I saw Will, I knew I wanted him for my own. So I took him. Took his life, and made it mine. And what have I done with that chance for endless happiness?
Wasted years after I had my soul when I could have been with him. Certainly wasted years in Sunnydale, obsessed with trying to be a perfect boyfriend to a mortal girl. Wasted time when I came back as Angelus trying to break Spike and Dru apart. And now, these years in LA, the most wasted of all. But I have been given a second chance now, and I donít intend to waste it this time. Spike is stirring and opens his eyes slowly. I watch intently to see what happens when the memories kick in. How will he cope with the knowledge of whatís happened to him? To my surprise, he looks almost cheerful; he turns towards me with a lazy stretch and a slow, shy smile.
I chuckle at him.
'What! I can say evening, canít I?'
'Spike, youíve had a traumatic experience; youíve been incredibly, badly injured; weíve had a bath together, and youíve fed from me, and all you can say is Ďeveningí! You are incredible; do you know that?'
'Well, yeah, pet, thatís me. The Big Bad.'
But his eyes donít match his words, and I begin to think that he is hiding some of his hurt and pain from me.
'You donít have to, Spike, you donít have to pretend with me any more, remember? You know what I feel for you now. I have no secrets left, and I donít want you to either.'
He casts his eyes down and starts fidgeting with the covers.
'Itís hard, Angel. I donít know how to talk; I donít know what to say... but thanks, you know, for what you didÖ.'
I want this to be done with forever, so that it never comes between us again, but I donít know what to say to him. I donít know what to say that wonít make him leave me. Wonít force him to go, because he canít stand staying with the humiliation of what I had to do for him. I desperately need to think of something quickly, or I will lose him. He is staring at me, waiting for a reply, so I take a deep, unnecessary breath and go for the no-holds bared approach.
'Spike, I have spent over one hundred years at various times pushing things up your backside, many of which, I seem to remember, got stuck and had to be pulled back out again, painfully, and I donít recall we ever found it a problem before.'
Well, thatís putting your cards on the table. Heís staring at me like Iím mad. Oh no, is he going to think Iíve just trivialised his experience?
Spike is laughing, in great, uncontrollable gasps, and hey... heís just pulled me over on top of him, and heís thrusting his tongue into my mouth, and I canít help it, but I start laughing, too, and here we are, a pair of naked vampires, rolling around the bed, screaming with laughter, the tears streaming down our faces, and weíre okay. We are going survive this.
Heís beautiful, and heís mine and, right now, I think heís glad he doesnít need to breath, cus he canít stop laughing every time I try to kiss him. As much as I love to hear my Sire laugh, cus thatís quite a rare privilege these days, I want to kiss him more. Eventually, I take control of the situation, grab his face between by hands, kneel us both up so we are facing each other, and place a gentle, expectant kiss on his lips. I pull away and look into his eyes to see if this is what he wants, and his smile, and slight flick of his tongue over his lip, tells me that it is. Itís all the encouragement I need, and I greedily plunder his mouth with my tongue in a frenzy of passion and lust, and now love. We kiss and suck and bite, our hands moving in each otherís hair, grasping and pulling ever closer and tighter. Then I push him away and, in a swift motion, move behind him on the bed,
'Angel. I want you. I need you. Now.'
And I know why he wants me; he needs to feel dominant again; he needs to be the one giving it and not taking it, so I submit readily, because thereís nothing else I want, too. I have Spike back, and Spike wants me, and there is nothing else I want from this world but this. This passion, now.
He uses his tongue to make me ready, and I gasp in pleasure when the little pink tip eases into my hole. He pulls it out a bit then thrusts it back in, hard and fast, and I am already so hard I groan in frustration.
'Hold yourself, Angel. I want to watch you while I do it.'
Yea Gods, Spikeís low, husky voice whispers in my ear. I donít hesitate; I take my cock in my hand and start matching the thrusts of his tongue. But I am desperate for more now, for him.
'Spike, pleeease. God, Will, now please!'
I never thought Iíd hear Angel begging for me like this, and itís all the encouragement I need. I kneel up, take him round the waist in a firm grip, and plunge into him with a hard, fast thrust. And Iím so desperate for release, that I think Iím gonna come immediately, so I slow right down, making sure I make each thrust count, hitting that spot that will send Angel over the edge.
'Thatís it, Angel. Stroke yourself, long and hard, just like you like it. Yeah, baby, what are you thinking now? Are you picturing what you look like taking it up the arse?'
And the old Spike that I know so well comes back to me in this moment, in this bed. At last, we return to the old relationship we were both so desperately missing. No silences now, no averted eyes while we give each other relief. Now, Spike is whispering his erotic accompaniment to our act of love, and it sends shivers down my body and pushes me over the edge Ė as it was intended to do.
Angel is arching back his neck, and I can feel he wonít last much longer. I lean over him and lick his ear, and he is losing it. I can feel him speed up, and I do the same, and we are cresting together on a wave that only we can feel. He cums in great ropey strands over his hands and the bedcovers, and I push him down as I fill him with my cold seed, gasping for air I donít need and release that I do.
We lie together in companionable silence for a moment, but Spike can never really be still or silent for any length of time and, before long, he is pushing me over onto my back and sits straddling my hips. He winces a little as he sits on me.
'Are you sure you are okay, Spike? I shouldnít have let you do that. You should be resting.'
'Shut the fuck up, Angel', he says with a grin, 'Iím not an invalid. Iím a master vampire, remember mate?'
'Oh yeah', I say. 'I forgot there for a moment, what with all the yabbering in my ear.'
'Didnít hear you complaining at the time, mate. From where I was, seems like you liked it just fine.' I start to move imperceptibly against Angel, just rocking so gently I could pass it off as shifting to a more comfortable position.
I know what heí s doing; heís insatiable, always has been, and I know heís rocking on my cock deliberately. 'Stop that right now, mister, Iíve got plans for you, and we need to be getting going. NOW!'
He gives me one of his best pouts, and speeds up a bit. Itís having the desired effect, as Iím rock-hard again already. But itís not going to work this time. 'Spike! Stop that. Stop. STOP,' and with that, I flip him off me and pin him to the bed. Itís okay, because we are laughing again, and this is fun: just the two of us here together on this bed. 'Spike, I have borrowed a friend of mineís cabin for a few days. I want you to get away from LA while you heal, and I donít want you bothered by Cordelia, or Wes, or my work. But itís some hours away, so we have to leave. Now!'
'OK, mate, sounds good to me.' Angel starts to get off me, but I do one of my famous, sneaky moves and slide right down underneath him so instead of him sitting on my hips, heís on my chest, and his cock is in reach of my mouth. And never one to miss an opportunity, I flick my tongue out and lick the swollen, purple end as it bobs near my lips.
Ye Gods, the sneaky bastard, but, ohhhh... thatís good. Iím sitting on his chest, and he has taken my cock in his mouth. Heís running his tongue over the tip, swirling it round the hole andÖ.
Heís bitten me! Heís let one fang descend, and heís pierced me and heís... ohhhhhh... heís sucking my blood through my cock, and it feels soooo good, and I throw my head back and arch up onto my knees, grabbing him around the back of the neck and pulling him harder into my crotch.
'God, Spike! Suck me, harder, faster, shit, Spike, Iím going to come, oh, oh, arhhhh!'
And I shoot my seed into the back of his throat where it mixes with my blood, and he swallows the potent mix in great, long, delighted gulps, and I feel as though I will never stop pumping, so great is the pleasure I have in this intimacy with Spike.
He goes limp in my mouth, and I just suck him gently for a while, reluctant to let him go. I love the feel and taste of his cock in my mouth, and I enjoy the moment.
'You are in so much trouble now, mister. I said no more. I said it was time to go; now, get your backside up off this bed and pack your extensive wardrobe; we are going!'
But heís smiling at me, and I know heís pleased with himself, cus Iíve now got a raging hard on again, and I can see heís got no intention of doing anything about it. But, sod it, as he said, weíve all the time in the world. So, instead, I just pull myself up to sitting, place my forehead against his, and stare into his eyes, holding his head steady under the chin.
'Angel. Iím only going to say this once, so youíd better be listeniní in good.'
I could drown in those blue eyes; heís trying to say something important, but I canít hear him; my heart is singing too loud at this closeness; my blood is screaming for his blood, and I can literally hear his arousal, and I want to make it talk to me some more.
'Angel! Youíre not listening.'
'OUCH! Fuck, Spike that hurts.'
'Well, if you listen, Iíll let go.' Nothing like a twist of the ole bollocks to get my Sireís attention. 'Now, do I have your full attention?'
Bastard's smirking at that little move. Just you wait, Spike, 'til.... 'Ahhh, YES! Iím listening, WHAT?'
'Nothing really, mate, Ďcept I want to tell you that I didnít mean what I said in Sunnydale. ĎBout Marcus. Iíve been fucking miserable the last few weeks, and I, for one, am not gonna let this go. So, thatís it; you have me in your life now, so youíd better make room for me and my shit, cus I need space, and I need attention, aní I need you. Now, tomorrow, forever.'
I can think of nothing to say. I am stunned. When did I ever think I was older and wiser than this bleached maniac staring at me from all of three inches away? He said it first! He has laid his cards on the table here, and the ball's in my courtÖ dammit stop thinking in metaphors, Angel. So, what can I say to prove I love him, too, and that I want him, too? Nothing. I say nothing. Instead I gently cup my hand behind his neck, and I kiss him with a tender, gentle kiss, and I send my blood message to him that I know he will be able to hear. ' I love you, too, Spike, and I want you here, now, and Iíll want you forever, but get the fuck up now, because we have to GO!'