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Chapter 14

Spike twisted his wrist around as if relieving writer's cramp. Giles almost screamed, as the walls of his rectum were pummelled by Spike's knuckles. Spike made a fist then suddenly flicked all his fingers out into a wide splay. Stronger than any fingers had a right to be - especially fingers that were where they were - Giles' walls had to give unnaturally… and then Spike began to push in.

Giles cried out. 'Not too far! Oh, God… not too… yes, further, oh, yes, how…? Oh.'

By the time Spike's forearm was half out of sight, Giles was stretched eight inches in circumference, and still there was no real pain, only an aching throb as muscles moaned to the unfamiliar position. Giles looked up, his eyes bleary, unfocused. He blinked. Spike's eyes were dilated, his jaw clamped in pleasure and intent concentration. Giles put a hand to Spike's cheek. 'You're enjoying this, too? How?'

Spike hesitated and stilled his arm on its inexorable path into Giles. 'Cus I like to think of you enoyin' it, I guess. Jeez, put like that… what a wuss, hey?'

Giles undid Spike's jeans and freed him. He turned slightly on his side. 'Enjoy it now,' and, with that, he took Spike deeply into his mouth, sucking and pulling on him. Spike rose up on his knees in delighted surprise and pushed his hips forward, his balls banging into Giles' chin. When he could think again, he eased his arm back to the wrist, and then started long intense up and down movements deep into Giles' rectum, catching his spot every time. Giles moaned, and the soft vibration hummed around Spike's cock, making him groan with pleasure, too.

They'd have held out for a bit longer, but Giles reached around behind Spike, slid his hands down inside the loose jeans and slipped them off his hips. Clutching the buttocks in both hands, he parted them and, with one finger, teased Spike's hole and perineum. Spike howled a warning and came against Giles' throat, his sperm splashing onto the tight, hot walls. Giles jerked his hand away from the seductive hole to hold his own erection, as it poured his fluid out onto his belly and chest.

Spike gave one final thrust on his hand; Giles' cry of release was drowned by the penis still twitching in his mouth, but he had to put his hand out to still Spike. He couldn't take any more. Swallowing the last few drops that Spike deposited on his tongue, Giles collapsed onto his back. Spike eased his hand out and collapsed sideward across him, and they lay unheeding of much else for a long, long time.

Giles jerked back from his stupor when Spike said, amused, 'How's yer hangover now then, mate? Best cure I know.'

Giles laughed. 'Re-hydration with salts?'

Spike slithered off the cum-slick belly and wriggled down between Giles' legs. He carefully parted them with a wicked smile and eased his tongue into the still slightly open hole. Giles dug his fingers painfully into Spike's hair. 'Oh, yes.'

It was like an ice-pack on his aching heat. He tipped his head back and folded his arms under his head. 'That is… sublime.'

Spike only murmured and continued tongue bathing the puckered skin and just inside the slowly cooling ring. He put a hand up and caught at one of Giles'. Giles released Spike's blond hair and grasped the offered hand, entwining their fingers. Spike lay tonguing Giles for a long time, playing with him. Once or twice, he rose up from the hole he was tending to suck Giles' cock. Once, he licked and nuzzled at the cum drying on Giles' belly but, mostly, he just lay nibbling, licking, and enjoying the human's hole.

Giles was completely relaxed. He had a momentary vision of never leaving the bed - of spending his entire life just lying there being tongued by Spike: tongued and holding hands.

He rubbed his thumb over Spike's hand, still incredulous that they had gotten to this: intimate lovers, holding hands while they played with each other's bodies. He was so engrossed with his thoughts, he took a while to notice that the stretch was back. He opened his eyes to find Spike kneeling up and introducing his cock to a suitably cooled and prepared hole. The vampire glanced up almost apologetically, 'Sorry, pet, know you're all shagged out.' Giles wanted to say, "Help yourself," but giggled at the sound of this in his head. Spike grinned at the laughing and, squeezing Giles' fingers tightly, he pushed his erection in deeply, a new elasticity making the experience intensely pleasurable for them both.

Spike saw from Giles' expression that the human didn't need to play - couldn't play - that he had free rein to just concentrate on himself. So he did. He dipped and rose, jerked and gave long thrusts, drew out the exquisite pleasure until, once more, he released his sperm. He was still squeezing a few drops out when he felt Giles' hand on the back of his head. 'Don't pull out. Lie on me?' Gratefully, Spike lay down on top of Giles, wondering at the strength of his heartbeat, his warmth, how good he felt and… sm…. Spike chuckled. 'You need a bath.'

Giles was silent for a while but finally countered with a chuckle, 'I should imagine certain parts of you might, too.'

Spike began to laugh, deep uncontrollable shaking on Giles' chest. Giles couldn't help but join in.

When he'd managed to control himself, Spike sat up and looked at Giles with a cheeky grin, 'So, both needin' washin' then…?'

Giles groaned. 'I thought you might think of that.'

'Come on, you know you wanted to hop in the bath with me when you 'ad me chained up, didn't ya?'

'We'd have looked rather silly, sitting there with no water.'

'So, you're not denying it.'

'I'm not discussing it, but if you really must, grab a towel and follow me.'

Giles checked his watch and looked relieved to discover that everyone else would be at the first service. He tied his robe tightly, nevertheless, and gave Spike an annoyed frown when he appeared to be ready to leave naked. Not wanting to make an issue of it, he went to the bathroom and began to run the water, the ancient plumbing complaining at being woken at this unusual time. After a few minutes, he took his robe off, tipped some oil into the running stream, but looked puzzled when it lay scummy on the surface. He cursed. Spike came closer. Giles put his hand tentatively into the water.

'Oh, bloody hell, welcome to England. It's fucking stone cold!'

'Giles! Please! Who you been 'ssociating with recently?'

'Well, honestly. I'm filthy, smelly, and you're… I don't even want to go into what you might be.'

Spike peered thoughtfully at the water. He shrugged. 'Beggars can't be….' He pushed Giles into the bath. Falling into the water was so hideous, Giles' scream sent Spike to his knees in agony. Giles laughed gleefully at the vampire's pain and tried to climb out, but Spike recovered enough to hold him in and, equally cheerfully, climbed in too. Giles tried to get his breath back, but it was too hard: cold and the laughter making him a helpless wreck. Spike, meticulously, began to scrub his hand and arm with soap, holding it up to Giles' inspection every once in a while, the whole time keeping his legs pinning Giles in the water. Finally, Giles gave into the inevitable, ducked under the water and soaked his hair, washed everything quickly, and then begged to be released. Spike only grinned and said his begging was improving, but at last he relented and allowed the wreck to climb out.

Pink with the cold, shivering, shrivelled, Giles huddled into his robe as he watched Spike lazing in the water. When he'd annoyed the human enough, he climbed out and began to towel himself down slowly.

Giles' teeth were still chattering when he got back to the bedroom. Spike shook his head and began to stack logs onto the fire. They caught quickly, and he pulled Giles down onto the rug with him. He slowly slipped the soft robe from the human's shoulders and rubbed gently up and down his cold arms. Giles started to feel the effects of the warmth and stretched out on the rug on his belly, just enjoying Spike's touch.

'I must be getting soft in my old age.'

'Why's that, pet?'

'I used to have to do that twice a day from the age of seven, until I was eighteen. I don't remember it being that bad.'

Spike paused. 'Why'd ya do that then, pillock? Ya dad practicing muscular Christianity, was 'e?'

'Oh, no, that was at school.'

'You took baths at school?'

Giles turned over. 'Well, yes. Of course.' He saw Spike's puzzled expression. 'I went to boarding school, of course.'

'Huh. Why's that then? Ya mum found it too hard to look after you with all this money, big house, and just being the one like?'

'Don't be facetious. It's just the way things are.'


'Well, that was quite young, I admit, but it was my father's school.'

'Oh. That 'xplains it then.'

'It was good for me. I shall send my….' If anyone had ever bitten words back awkwardly, Giles did it then. He blushed deeply and turned back onto his belly, staring thoughtfully at the flames. Spike picked up the towel and started to dry the soft, greying hair.

'There's a space for 'im already on the wall. She showed it me.'

'She had no right.'

'She's got every right. She's ya mum; it's 'er house, and she's proud of you.'

'I don't want to talk about this.'

Spike shrugged, unseen by the human deep in thought on the floor, and continued to rub softly at the drying hair. 'So, what you gonna do 'til Church then?'

'I need some food. Alcohol absorbing type of food. And I need a walk in the fresh air.'

'Oh. That kinda leaves me out on both counts then.' At exactly the same time, the thought crossed both their minds that Spike was left out on three things they had discussed in front of those roaring flames.

Giles cleared his throat and sat up. 'What are you going to do?'

Spike pursed his lips. 'Not much option. Sleep, read, fuck around - the usual.'

Slightly nonplussed at something he could not define, Giles dressed and went in search of stodgy food. Spike drank some more from his blood supply and went back to bed.


Old oil heaters hissed softly at the back of the church, and the air smelt stuffy, tinged with poisonous gases. Not needing air, Spike sat on his best behaviour, amused at the humans desperately trying to stay awake against its influence.

Giles sat between Spike and his mother, diplomatically providing a more effective barrier than his size would indicate. It was hard to concentrate; his anus ached still, and the feeling was so pleasant it made him swell slightly every time he thought about what they had done together. The swelling was accompanied by a small flush on his face, which he was only too aware Spike would detect.

The offending demon sat with pious, rapt attention on Giles' father. When Henry Giles spoke of sin and iniquity, the demon nodded wisely, and shook his head in weary despair at the recitation of such evils. Giles wanted to smack him, but he'd said best behaviour and, given Spike was a vampire, he supposed he was getting off lightly.

When they sang, Spike shared Giles' hymn book, not making a sound, but running his little finger over a warm hand, a small intimacy that distracted Giles from the well-loved and familiar words.

Each time they sat down, Spike crept closer, his thigh eventually pressing into the soft one next to him. He looked around innocently, folded his arms, and prepared to be interested in the sermon.

Giles sighed with weary relief when it was over. They all left, shocked at the cold as the welcome fresh air hit them. They waited for Giles' mother who had stopped to talk to friends, collect books, and generally potter. Giles began to stamp his feet and blow on his hands. 'Happy now? Enjoy that?'

Spike nodded. 'Yeah, I did. Know thine enemy.'

'You see my father as your enemy?'

Spike hesitated, 'Not 'im specifically.'

'But you see danger here? Why?'

'Just drop it, pet. It ain't important; it were just an expression.'

'No, you said….' but whatever he had been about to challenge Spike on was lost when the old lady finally emerged.

'You waited. How kind.'

'Of course I waited, Mother. Do you think I would allow you to walk back though the woods on your own?'

She tucked her arm into Giles' and began to stride off, practically dragging her protector along. 'Silly darling. I do it every week and, besides, I have the torch you sent to me for my birthday. There's nothing to frighten me in these woods; they have been my intimate friends all my life.'

She turned to Spike at his quiet giggle. 'You find that sentiment odd?'

As Spike could hardly say that he'd just had a sudden image of being intimate with a tree, he only replied lamely, 'Never know what's out an' about at night. Could be vampires or such like.'

She gave him a look. 'Like Rupert, you obviously read unusual books.'

'Well, yeah, my books are kinda interesting, ain't they Rupert?'

Giles gave him a furious look, not wanting to explore either the conversation about vampires, or the one about hairy-arsed sailors with his mother but, much to Spike's amusement, the old lady persisted. 'I think there is far too much wild imagination about these days. All that awful opium.'

Again, Spike giggled, but managed to cover this with a small cough. As they had just reached the darkest part of the wood, and the two humans were trying to keep their footing, she missed his amusement. Spike looked at the small, upright frame, and couldn't resist. 'So, not believing in vampires then, Mrs G?'

She visibly shuddered at the appellation but, as Spike was the only one who could see, this raised no comment in her son. 'Don't be silly, please, William.'

'I'm not. 'S a serous question; ain't it Rupert? Rupert believes in vampires, don't you?'

'He does not. Vampires exist only in fiction and silly American television shows, which, as I don't own a television, I am thankfully saved from watching.'

'Uh huh. That so.'

As if Giles sensed a more serious confrontation coming on, he tried to relieve the tension. 'Come on now, you two; we've just had a lovely service; let's not ruin the evening, shall we?' He kicked out behind him and connected satisfactorily with a hard shin.

'Ow, so, Mrs G…. What is it you think Rupert does for a livin' then?'

Giles held his mother still for a moment and said very clearly, 'William.'

To Giles' utter amazement, Spike did not reply. He watched the vampire shuffle slightly in the leaves with the toe of one boot, and then look up with a small nod of apology. Taken aback, Giles did not say anything further but, once more, started along the narrow path.

Having entirely missed the subtle exchange between her son and his lover, the elderly lady continued, puzzled, 'What did he mean, Rupert?'

Suddenly, shockingly, her other arm was suddenly seized. 'Nothin', Mrs Giles, nothin' I was just winding Rupert up a bit. 'Ere, watch that root there, nasty one that.'

She thanked him gratefully, clearly surprised when a large root - some feet away when he had seen it - came into the narrow beam of her torch. 'My goodness, you do have good eyes, William.'

Spike chuckled, 'Yeah. Comes of being a….' He paused just long enough to have Giles hit him on the back of the head, and then continued with a smirk of satisfaction, 'Librarian.'

Giles suddenly chuckled, and the next touch Spike felt was a light, intimate, thank you touch to the small of his back and, with that last word, all three of them were silent until they got back into the cold, badly lit hall.

Taking off her coat and scarf, Giles' mother turned to her son, 'What time would you like dinner, darling?'

Before Spike could groan or pout or make any other comment on the proceedings, Giles said swiftly, 'You don't mind, do you mother? But I thought I'd take Spi… err, William, out to the pub.'

'Oh, yes, that might be a good idea; you know how exhausted your father always is on Sunday nights. We could have a bite of light supper and get to bed early.'

They watched her go slowly into the sitting room. They watched the door close.

Giles pushed Spike back into a dark recess of the gloomy hall and ran his hands over the sharp cheekbones. He bent to the cold lips, laughing as he realised his must be just as cold. Before he allowed Spike to kiss him, he nuzzled into Spike's ear and said softly, 'You are a very bad vampire.'

Spike chuckled. 'Yeah, I'd 'ave to agree with you there, luv. I'm a soddingly awful vampire - I've just been to ruddy church!'

Giles tipped back his head, and a peeling laugh rang out around the hall. Spike put a hand lightly over his mouth but smiled, nonetheless.

When he was allowed to speak, Giles took Spike's fingers in his and, playing with them a little, asked, 'So, you on for a run ashore?'

Spike grinned. 'Sure am. You drivin'?'


'Oh, 'k, I will then if you navi….'

'We're walking.'

'Uh huh.'

'Come on.' Giles chuckled at Spike's face and stepped out into the cold night air once more. Spike trailed behind for a moment then said, 'Look, pet, I'm a vampire an' all that…. You know I ain't scared of a bit of a walk like, but ya know….'

'You'll work up an appetite for that first pint.'

'I don't 'ave an appetite 'cept for blood.'

'Well, I will then.'

'Yeah, 's not the getting there I'm worried 'bout; 's the coming back sozzled. Don't wanna have to carry you.'

'Will you stop whinging, vampire. We'll get a taxi if we have to. Now, step out; best foot forward and all that.' With a grin, Giles began to stride out down the drive. He knew Spike was tagging behind deliberately and that, if he wanted, the vampire could probably outpace him three or four times over.

He turned and glanced back at him. Spike looked up and caught his eye thoughtfully, 'So, she don't know nothin' 'bout what you do. I mean… I thought you'd told her the truth 'bout bein' a librarian, but would 'ave told her the rest. I mean… it's your life, innit?'

'And you think I could talk about anything to do with the Council here?'

'Yeah, but, if they love you like….'

'Spike, don't be naive. You know there are many forms of love. They could never, ever accept what I am.'

'Uh huh.' Spike wondered if Giles realised how blatantly he had just explained the reason for his intense privacy and the iron control over his emotions he had practiced when Spike first met him. 'Why don't you try them? They might surprise you.'

'I don't want to discuss this, Spike. Let's go and have a nice evening with a few beers, yes?'

''S quite a lot you don't want to discuss tonight. Thought you came 'ere to face some issues, to make amends like. 'S what you said.'

'Don't tell me what I said; I remember perfectly well. I'll do it in my own time, thank you.'

'Just before she goes an' buys some little blue booties maybe?'

'Shut up. This is nothing to do with you.'

Giles had a sudden and unexpected demonstration of just how fast Spike could move when he wanted. One moment the dark, leather clad figure was strolling along beside him, the next, he was on his own in the dark.

He called rather weakly, cursed, but carried on walking.

Spike was already well into his beer when Giles finally arrived. Giles smiled at the vampire's uncanny knack to hone in on alcohol and went up to the bar. He laughed at the landlord's expression and greeted him warmly, catching up on news. Some of the regulars came over, too and, for the first hour, Giles was completely engrossed with his old acquaintances. Finally, he was allowed to split off, and he went to sit alongside Spike in the quiet corner the vampire had chosen. Spike was reading and completely ignored Giles.

'I'm sorry.'

Spike continued to ignore him, and the act was so good, Giles almost glanced down just to check that he was actually present. 'Spike?'

'Spike, listen to me. I have spent my entire life since the age of seven trying to be something I am not. I didn't even know what I was until…. I tried things… lots of things that might shock even you. I summoned dark forces to see if my darkness was less in comparison. I hurt people, did things I'm ashamed of. But all the time, I was looking for something I found in the oddest of places. I think I found it in my bathtub.'

Spike did not give any sign that he was listening, except that he had not turned the page for some time.

'So, I'm back here now, to the people and the places that sent me on this strange journey. I know what they expect of me. And do you know the worst of it? I think I still expect that of myself.'

Spike looked up, his eyes troubled. 'I can't be anything else but what I am, human. If I ain't enough…. An' just look at what I've got to compete with 'ere.' He suddenly grinned slyly. 'Hell, I'd give me up like a shot for a stab at that 'ouse.'

Giles laughed and put a hand over his. 'Am I forgiven for whatever it was I said or did?'

Spike pouted his best pout. 'Ya might be, 'sides, I feel too sorry for yer old mum to blame 'er too much.'

'Uh huh. You feel sorry for her?'

Spike went back to his book then added, amused. 'A torch for 'er birthday? Bloody hell, human!'

Assuming he was forgiven, Giles only rolled his eyes, and got up to buy another round.


Someone had stoked the fire in Giles' room when they returned, and the place was warm and welcoming. Frozen from the walk home with the alcohol thinning his blood, Giles went, shivering, to sit on the old, faded rug. Spike shed his duster and fetched the last of his blood from the windowsill, waving the nearly empty canister at Giles meaningfully. Giles nodded, 'Perhaps we could go together tomorrow; if we wait until four or so.'

''K. I wanna buy some postcards anyway.'

Giles spluttered slightly. 'Postcards? To whom?'

Spike frowned. 'You sayin' I ain't got friends.'

'Not at all. I was merely surprised that demons liked getting postcards. And the addresses? Big ugly vampire; third gravestone on the right; Sunnydale cemetery? But by all means….'


Spike downed his food then chucked the pillows from the bed at Giles. He dragged a couple of blankets off as well and began to undress, as he paced around the room. Watching him intently, Giles sighed a little. 'I am awfully tired and a little drunk.'

'I know, pet. Here.' Spike suddenly chucked a number of books at Giles and then made himself comfortable on the pillows, covering his naked body decorously with a blanket. 'You gonna stay in yer clothes then?'

Giles smiled, undressed, too, and selected a book from the pile. He stretched out and grinned when Spike lifted his head and laid it on his now warm chest. He lifted the pages to catch the light from the flames and began a familiar and well-loved novel.

Silent thus, they heard the chimes from the old clock in the hall, both noting the midnight hour come and go then one o'clock.

Giles pushed his fingers into Spike's hair and turned another page. 'Do you think it will ever get better than this?'

'No.' Spike turned his page, too.

'Can we make it stay as good as this then?'

'Sometimes not up to us, pet. Things 'appen.'

'I know. I feel overwhelming sadness at my intense happiness.'

Spike rose up slightly and kissed him. 'That's the English disease, pet. It's that fuckin' Dunkirk thingy in our psyche. We only like it when things are goin' to rat shit. When it's perfect… when it's like this, we feel all guilty.'

'Do you feel that, too? Do you feel you're not meant to have this?'

'Oh, human, what do you think? I'm a soulless, murdering demon who wanted to kill you last year. Would 'ave, if it weren't for the fact you're the bloody slayer's watcher. So, what do you think I think 'bout this?'

'What can we do to make sure we don't lose this? There must be something.'

'Life's not like that, pet. You can't stand still. You can't capture the perfection; it's perfect cus it's transient.'

Giles felt tears prick the corner of his eyes. 'Have I told you that I love you? No games, no half spoken hints. I love you.'

Spike smiled. 'That's a bloody good attempt to preserve this; I'll give you that.'

'Don't forget it, will you? I feel as if something is looming up ahead of us, something awful that will take you away from me.'

'The Initiative?'

'I don't know. Maybe. I think I'll telephone Buffy tomorrow. Let her know I'm safe. She doesn't need to know where I am, although I suspect Willow will have told her.'

'What I saw of that Initiative bunch, they didn't need no witch to tell 'em. Seems to me they'd find bloody Lord Lucan, if they had a mind to.'

'God, you don't think that chip of yours could send a signal all the way to America, do you?'

'How do I know? I don't know fuck 'bout it, 'cept I can't give you the shagging you deserve.'

Giles looked thoughtfully at him. 'That's the second time you've said that. Are you really restraining when you take me?'

Spike cursed inwardly; didn't matter how honest he felt his demonic status ought to make him, no one wanted to hear that sort of stuff. 'Look, pet, don't sweat it, hey? 'S not really the chip. Hell, I'd kill you if I thumped into you like I could.'

Giles nodded without rancour. 'Of course. I'd not thought about that. For the best then really all round, when you think 'bout it. We wouldn't be here without it.'

'See? That's what I meant like. You can't know what's round the corner. When I first got this bloody thing, I thought me unlife was over. Thought I might as well stake meself, but then there you were… flaccid and lusting over me.'

'But the best thing about it is, is that I can do this….' He hit Spike quite hard. 'And you can't retaliate, can you?'

Spike laughed. 'No. But don't change the fact you were flaccid and lusting. Ow.'

They returned to their respective books, until they heard the clock strike two, and Giles stretched with a groan. 'Okay, admitting that my muscles and bones aren't what they once were. Need the bed. Need sleep.'

'Need me?'

Giles began to kiss him softly. 'Forever.'

Spike made a small gagging gesture with two fingers to the back of his throat but allowed Giles to pull him to the bed. The human fetched the pillows and pumped them up, remade the blankets, then climbed in alongside the impatient vampire.

They made love.

Whatever they had done before, they both sensed the difference. There was no urgency, no particular need to cum; there was consideration for each other's pace and different needs. There was more emphasis on kissing and touching and soft murmured words. There was a sense of rightness that neither had felt before and, when it was over, there was an almost painful need to be the last to fall asleep, the last one to feel the other's tight arms.

Giles woke up to sunshine, to a slight headache, and to the knowledge that, at last, he was in love.

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