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Chapter 8

Spike awoke to an empty bed and to the sun filling the room. He woke up grinning. He woke up happy. That he could even recognise this emotion let alone feel it, confused him, but not enough to stop grinning.

He remembered talking to the human. He remembered some shit he didn't want to remember when he suspected his Big Bad image may have slipped a bit, but for all that, he still felt like grinning. He turned lazily in the bed, not wondering where Giles was, he could hear him downstairs on the telephone. The human was also happy; Spike could hear it in his voice. Domestic sounds drifted up to the room: a washing machine thumping around its cycle, a kettle boiling. Still grinning, he moved over into the spot Giles had vacated, breathing in the unique human scents from the sheets and tipped back into a post sleep doze.

He woke once more to the odd sound of Giles singing: a guitar being played expertly beneath the soft, melodious voice. Spike was still grinning, felt he ought to stop but couldn't be bothered. He peered over the bed for his clothes and grinned even more when he remembered what had happened to them the night before under Giles' skilful hands: the wash cycle now explained.

Trying to fix his face into the something resembling a vampire, but failing miserably, he took his grin into the bathroom. A hot shower was too rare an event to be treated with anything less than reverence, and he actually stopped grinning long enough to bask in some other emotions for a while until happiness kicked them out once more.

With no other clothes, he wrapped one towel around his waist and went downstairs, rubbing his freshly washed hair with another.

Giles was in the living room quietly playing a guitar and jotting something down in a book every so often. Spike sat on the bottom step and watched him for a while. He knew Giles knew he was there, but it didn't seem to bother the human and, after a while, Spike felt so at home, he got up and began to make himself some tea. He made two cups and, for the second time in his unlife, felt tears pricking his eyes at emotions that he could barely name let alone express. The kiss still lingered in his mind. He knew he'd cocked that up big time but also knew that the human understood: this human did, this unique human who understood pain.

Spike took the tea over to Giles and placed it alongside him on the floor, then sat on the couch crossed-legged, watching him. Giles noted something down then put the book away very casually, as if he didn't want it commented upon. He looked up and said offhandedly, 'All right?' Spike knew that the watcher was not referring to the imminent onset of his terminal illness and nodded, a slight flush of embarrassment threatening to mar his otherwise perfect preternatural skin. To cover his confusion about the kiss, Spike waved his mug at the guitar.

'Didn't know you could.'

Giles smiled fondly down at the instrument. 'I haven't felt like it for years. I just did this morning for some reason.'

'All that cool music last night, see?'

Giles looked at him intently. 'Rather more the company, I think. You….'

'Annoy the hell out of you?'

'Well, yes, you do. But when I woke up….' He looked away and distractedly strummed a few chord runs. 'When I woke up I felt….'

'Happy?' Giles looked at Spike's grin and chuckled shyly.

'Exactly. '

Spike sipped his tea and looked at him though lowered lids. 'Go on then; entertain me.'

Giles didn't play to audiences. Ever. It was too personal. Spike seemed to sense his reluctance. 'Come on, I'm dead remember? Be like playing in front of the wallpaper.'

'Uh huh. Wallpaper that will never stop reminding me how awful I am.'

'Maybe. Better play then, an' prove you're not.'

Giles rolled his eyes fractionally but began a complex yet fluid intro to a soft rock ballad. He was very good, and he knew it. He'd just never had an audience he so wanted to be good for. Spike sat still and silent, his naked body distracting Giles just enough to add an edge to his vocals, so when he sang about need so strong he would die for it, they both knew the choice of song was not coincidental.

When he finished, Giles laid the guitar down on the floor and picked up his tea. Spike watched him for a while then said, 'Bit more practice like and you'll be quite good.'

Giles looked up, but at Spike's look of fond amusement he laughed and shook his head. Spike stretched out his hand and laid it on Giles' knee. 'Course, that means you'll have to wake up happy a bit more often, won't ya?'

'Hmm, it does. Any suggestions on how I might accomplish that?'

'One or two.'

'Uh huh. And are they going to involve that slow unwrapping of a towel you're indulging in right now?'

'They might.'

'Ah. And I guess they might involve… that.'


'Hmm, that.'

''Spect so. If you want it, that is.'

'Let me just…. Oh yes. I can quite categorically state that I want that. Now. Upstairs.'

Spike knew his grin had come back, it had a rare mirror image in the human. Giles took hold of Spike's arm and practically ripped the naked vampire off the couch and up to the bedroom. He encouraged Spike to undress him, and then they were both naked in the harsh light of day. Spike cocked up his scared eyebrow and backed toward the bed. Giles came forward, his grin slightly less noticeable, less sure.

'What's up, pet, 'sides us?'

Giles sat on the bed and hung his head a little. 'I just thought about something I wanted to ask you but, to be honest, I have no idea what words to even use.'

Spike hesitated for a moment then put out a hand and turned Giles face to his. 'Just say it.'

Giles blinked slowly. 'I didn't enjoy what you did to me, and I wanted to ask you how you stand it… enjoy it even.'

Spike looked surprised and took his hand away for a moment, but then said, 'Fuck it,' and captured Giles face in both hands. 'It were cus I didn't do it right, that's all. I'm a git, Giles: that bein' yer first time an' all.'

'Now I feel like a virgin schoolgirl. Thank you.'

''Nothin' to be 'shamed of. Most blokes'll go their whole lives not knowing what they're missing. You just didn't get it proper first time.'

'First time?'

Spike pouted slightly and slowly straddled Giles' lap. 'Yeah. Now I wanna do it proper.'

'Oh, good. Scared still, but it's still… oh good. And it is rather bright in here. Maybe we could wait….'

'Now, Giles, you know I'm gonna be poorly later.' He pushed Giles onto his back and slid down until he knelt between his legs. ''Sides, I like to see what I'm doin' and where I'm goin'.'

'Oh, God.'

'What you got for lube? Something thick, cus I don't wanna fry me brain.'

'Oh, God.'

'Never no mind, you just lie there and think happy thoughts; I'll find something.' Giles lay and looked at the ceiling. His thoughts were interesting; he couldn't be sure he'd actually call them happy.

Spike rummaged gleefully and came up with a tub of an expensive moisturiser, holding it up disdainfully. 'Poof.'

Giles looked at it and pursed his lips slightly. 'That's hers.'

Spike laughed. 'Good. It'll make it sweeter.' He smeared the thick cream over his fingers then grinned and knelt back on the bed. Giles feared something ghastly, clinical, and embarrassing. He was surprised when Spike picked up his foot and, cradling it in his naked lap, proceeded to stretch and probe into every joint, every muscle. Giles groaned at the totally unfamiliar sensation and sat up a little to watch. It didn't escape either of them that his cock swelled and twitched at Spike's touch.

Spike eased Giles over onto his belly and began to work up each calf, silent, intent on human musculature that he had previously known only when stretched out in pain. Giles tried to relax to the pleasure and almost had when he felt something cool rasp across his entrance. He reared up, shocked. 'No!' Spike ignored him and continued to probe softly at the give with his tongue, not actually pushing in yet, just giving the impression that he could, if he wanted.

Giles tried to push his head away. 'Don't. I've not…. I haven't…. Oh, God, don't, please, it's disgusting!'

The tongue slipped in, and Giles groaned with embarrassment. 'I can't….'

Spike eased out and began to nuzzle seductively into the surrounding flesh. 'If I want to, pet, then where's the harm?'

'Oh, how can you? It's so….'

The tongue plunging back in effectively silenced him, and Giles lay in exquisite embarrassment and confusion until he heard a soft murmur. It was unconscious; it was utterly genuine. Spike moaned his delight into the hole and, at the sound, Giles allowed his tension to dissipate and his embarrassment to ebb away on the rippling pleasure that began to flood into his balls. Spike's tongue caressed away his doubt and, when the tongue was replaced with a hard, insistent shaft, Giles was more than willing to concede that this was the definition of pleasure. It was his turn to moan then, and he did: willing the vampire to enter more, to take him more, to fill him more. Spike turned him over gently, still embedded, and lay over him, propped up on his strong arms. When Giles opened his eyes, he found the vampire staring at him, watching him avidly as he entered, inch after slow inch. Giles moaned at the intrusion, at the delight, at his confusion, and then Spike was in.

For a moment, Spike closed his eyes, just revelling in the sensation of being deep into this hot channel, but then he opened them and looked down. Inches apart, joined with this intimate desire, they stared at each other, no game and no pretence separating them. Spike couldn't help it; he ducked his head briefly and flashed a small grin at his delight. Giles chuckled, nodded at the surrender of everything he held dear and whispered, 'Make me feel like I do you.'

Spike touched his forehead to the human's chest for a moment then rose up and began to move. Giles grunted at the increased stretch, spreading his legs wider to make access easier for the vampire. Spike breathed out a soft, 'Oh, yeah,' and his swinging thrusts got faster and longer: more penetration, more depth, more exquisite pleasure. Giles groaned but, suddenly, this soft sound was transformed into a gasp of shocked delight. 'Oh!' Spike grinned and aimed for that spot again, trying to keep the same position for him. Giles sat up slightly and grasped Spike's shoulders hard, digging in his fingers, raising red welts in the pale flesh. 'Again! Oh, God, Spike! I had no…. Oh…. Oh…. Yesss.'

Spike felt himself beginning to cum: that delightful sensation of swell and release, the shooting, agonising, blissful release that he lived for, strived for, craved more than blood. When he looked down, he saw that he was not alone. The human was flushed, his eyes dilated, and his face a mask of pleasure pain as his orgasm plagued him, so close, yet still so far. Spike pushed one hand under Giles and took hold of the longish hair at the back of his head, holding it like reigns to steady him. Giles pulled away slightly, and the action tipped his head back.

Spike looked down and knew he was ready. He bent slowly, inch by inch once more, but this time to something far more frightening than the entry of one small, insignificant hole. He brushed his lips to Giles', and the human opened his eyes. Spike dipped low again and flicked his tongue to the warm lips. Giles opened his mouth and responded with his own tongue. Spike reared back but plunged back, all reticence gone. He didn't care if he didn't understand these emotions; he just wanted to feel them. He didn't care if he was lost; he'd find himself again somehow; he always did.

Giles - penetrated, split open, cresting on the wave of an orgasm - drowned in the morass of his emotions as he raised his arms and encircled the slim back. He pulled the cool body down to his; he ate Spike with the kiss: pouring all his need, all his loneliness, all his latent desires into that melding of tongues and lips and sweet saliva.

His hands slid up to the back of Spike's neck, into his hair, all through the silky strands. With a gasp of shock deep into Spike's mouth, Giles felt himself erupt between them, his cum tickling Spike's belly as it hit and dripped off onto his warmer, softer one, but before he could really absorb that sensation, he was washed with a cold jetting deep in his body. Spike reared back with a sharp cry; he hung suspended over the human, jerking slightly, working out the intense orgasm until, gradually, inch by inch once more, he lowered back to the damp, sticky belly.

Neither moved for a long time. Giles was asleep and breathed deeply for many minutes in a post-orgasmic crash that made Spike smile and only want him more. He lay still embedded, just thrusting slightly, enjoying the sensation of being semi-hard in the cool flush of his own sperm. Eventually, Spike woke Giles with these soft movements, and Giles came to groggily to find another small release being embedded deep into his rectum as, with a sigh of pleasure, Spike came for a second time, shivering his relief before collapsing finally onto the warmer body.

Giles ran his hands up and down Spike's spine, caressing him gently. He felt the flaccid penis slip out, and the sensation made him groan slightly. He felt open, stretched wide, but thought that was probably not so. Spike seemed to read his mind, for he slipped off the cum-drenched belly until he was lying between Giles' legs. He lifted them slightly to watch the hole closing over, and Gilles didn't even feel uncomfortable, let alone the acute embarrassment he'd felt when the vampire's tongue had first invaded him. He felt a curious finger running around the stretched muscle, a tongue easing in to capture fluid, and he didn't care. He only dug his fingers harder into the soft blond hair and wished, once more, for vampire stamina. He wanted it again. He wanted Spike inside him again. He sat up and pulled Spike to him for another kiss, delving into the pliant, willing mouth, sure that Spike would feel his need through the lips that could only touch physically, through the tongue that could only entwine and flick, through the saliva that was so sweet and so cool and so unbelievably Spike's.

Spike wrapped his legs around Giles' waist, sitting on his lap, his nails raking gently down his warm back. Giles buried his face into Spike's shoulder and murmured, 'I wonder what time it is.'

Spike wriggled slightly, melting further down into the warm human lap, 'Dunno. Why?'

'I don't know, but it feels strange being in bed during the day.'

Spike lifted Giles' face from his shoulder and gave him an incredulous look. 'Huh. So, not that you've just had a vampire's cock eight inches up yer arse then. 'S lying in bed that's odd, is it?'

Giles chuckled and said softly, 'Eight? Hmm.'

Spike gave a small pout. 'It's my bleeding game. I've read all the books. I'll be eight if I want to.'

'It'll sell better.'

Spike grinned. 'Yeah.'

'So, we're back to the game, are we?'

Spike moved his hands slightly so his fingers ran up Giles' sides and under his arms, drawing them slowly across the sensitive skin of his inner arms. The human groaned, and Spike chuckled. 'Like that, do you?'

'Yes, and don't prevaricate, vampire - just what are we doing here?'

Spike sighed theatrically and rolled off Giles, falling to the empty side of the bed. He began to search for his cigarettes. He rummaged through the sheets, peered over the edge onto the floor, and cursed when Giles said, 'Oh, sorry, they're downstairs; they were in your jeans.' He laughed at Spike's panicked expression.


'So… talk?'

Spike didn't reply but, instead, wrapped himself in the sheet and said weakly, 'Don't feel like talkin'. Maybe some blood?'

Giles slapped him hard on the backside but climbed out of the bed. 'I'll shower - then I'll tend to the invalid.'

A small, weak voice followed him out. 'K, pet. Don't wanna be any trouble like.'

The bathroom witnessed a lot of grinning that morning. Giles felt insanely happy - a state that worried him excessively. Happiness - out of control grinning - was for other people. A modest contentment was all he ever aimed for, yet here he was, unable to control his face muscles, feeling like singing again, desperate to fetch Spike his blood and tend to him. When he went back to the bedroom to dress, Spike was no more than a lump in midnight blue, so he only gave a small pat to the sheet and went down to heat up the blood as requested. He made himself some tea and was about to carry them both up when Buffy appeared.

'Hi ya.'

Happiness spilt over to envelop all his life, and he greeted her with a pleasure he always felt, but did not usually know how to show. She blushed. 'You're in a good mood.'

'Yes, I am. See? It was just a bug. All better now.'

She didn't comment on this but said carefully, 'What's with the blood?'

Giles froze, the two mugs in his hand, and then said conversationally, 'Spike's back, and I genuinely believe he has valuable information for us.'

'Huh. Good. Give it to me; I'll take it to him.'

Giles briefly pictured the scene: Buffy unable to find Spike in the bathroom, seeing him lying naked in his bed, the sheets rumpled, possibly still damp….

'No need. I've got this covered. I think you should gather the troops for a meeting.'

'Buffy seemed distracted by something and did not press. She looked at Giles oddly and said, ''K. I need to….'

She was interrupted by a small, brave moan from upstairs.

Buffy opened her mouth, seemed to debate something internally, then spun on her heel and left.

Giles chuckled and carried the blood up. He had to hold it for the vampire who was a little too weak to lift his head, but he didn't object because then Spike needed him to stay, needed talking with, fussing over. He brought in the TV and, propped up with enough pillows, his favourite programme on, remote control to hand, Spike felt well enough to be left alone for a few hours.

With promises to come home with chocolate, Giles reluctantly left his charge and went to Buffy's.

He walked through the pleasant autumn sunshine still so insanely happy that he looked at other people and wanted to make them happy, too. Warm amber light bathed the storefronts, his body ached deliciously from his workout earlier but, best of all, his anus throbbed softly - a sensation he could never have imagined was so pleasant. They gathered, caught up on gossip, and Giles was about to focus their minds on work, when Buffy jumped up to answer a soft knock at the door. She brought in a tall, muscular young man.

She dragged him over to Giles. 'This is Riley; he's from the Initiative.' The young man looked slightly annoyed and tried to deny this, but Buffy put her hands on her hips and glared at him. 'This is Giles, Riley. He needs to know.'

Riley looked sheepish, 'Sorry, Sir, but I'm not at liberty to discuss my mission.'

Giles glanced amused at the faces Willow and Xander were making behind Riley's back and coughed slightly. 'No need to call me Sir. (I wonder if I could get Spike to call me Sir later?) We aren't formal here. So, tell me. The Initiative?' Riley refused to be drawn and sat silently listening with surprise to the banter and ill discipline of the meeting. When Buffy mentioned a vampire she'd staked the previous night, he perked up. 'What did he look like?'

Buffy shrugged. 'Ya know: ugly?'

'We're looking for a hostile that escaped. We believe he's stayed in town. We want him back.'

Buffy shrugged again. 'Vamp's a vamp.'

'Not this one; he's got top secret government technology in his head: a behaviour modification chip, and we want… what?'

He looked bemused between their glances. With a sense of rising panic, Giles was about to bluff, when Buffy said casually, 'Blond? Leather coat? Annoying?'

He couldn't stop her or catch her eye. He jumped up. 'He's dust. Buffy got him the other night.'

Buffy caught Giles' eye and gave him a penetrating look.

Riley looked annoyed but also slightly disbelievingly at them all. 'I need to report in.'

Buffy watched him go. Amazed, alarmed, Giles recognised the look on her face. It was the expression he felt he'd been wearing too often recently when he thought about Spike. He glanced at Willow with a raised eyebrow for confirmation, and she nodded her ascent to his silent question.

Thoughtfully, he excused himself from the meeting and went home.

When he arrived, loud music from the bedroom greeted him. When he'd assimilated this, he noticed the destruction of his ordered neatness downstairs. The kitchen was a complete mess; the living room looked as if… as if a vampire had had a small party there all day. Giles frowned and shut the door forcibly behind him. The music instantly stopped. There was small, furtive scurrying from upstairs, and by the time Giles got to the bedroom, Spike was lying in the bed looking far from well.

Unable to do anything else but want him, Giles climbed onto the end of the bed. Spike rallied enough to say bravely, 'You're back,' in a small voice.

Giles looked down at the naked back and suddenly got the point of Spike's game. Regret? He could feel that already. Spike thought they'd have to play out this feigned death for him to regret his slim, pale body. Giles already felt Spike's loss like death, acute fear from the meeting and from Riley's words, chilling his body, and making him feel like dying.

He placed his hands on Spike's waist. The vampire murmured something as if just recently woken from sleep. Giles ignored the play-acting and suddenly flipped him over. Lifting one of Spike's legs, he held the beautiful face tightly with his other hand. Surprise and pleasure warred on Spike's features. He lifted his own leg voluntarily and, with his hand now freed, Giles unzipped his jeans and freed his erection. Silent, desperate, confused, scared, he pushed into Spike and took him with ferocity borne of an unshakeable premonition of loss.

Spike lay equally silent under the human, watching the shadows on his face, studying the troubled expression in his eyes. Giles took a while to cum and, towards the end, a soft keening accompanied his ejaculation, as if this release was as much from pain as from pleasure. When he'd finished, Giles hung his head for a moment. He knew Spike was still there - he was still buried deep inside the vampire's rectum. He knew Spike was not taken from him - every inch of his body lay in contact with Spike's body. But in his heart, even in some of the rational parts of his brain, Giles felt as if Spike were gone. In this knowledge, in this overwhelming sense of losing Spike, Giles knew for the first time just how far he had come on his emotional journey. He felt flayed. Every emotion in his heart was like a nerve that now lay exposed to the elements. In his previous numbness, he'd have been able to cope with any loss. Now he was not so sure.

Spike moved beneath him, put a questioning hand to his face, brushing lightly at the hair over his forehead, but it was too much - it was the final straw that broke his small reserve of restraint. He began to sob, pulled off Spike and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

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