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Learning To Share - Chapter 16

Eventually I run out of things to break, so I strip off and fling myself on the bed. I know I'm reverting to that needy minion shit I told him I was giving up. But fuck. It was supposed to be both of us changing. Both of us making an effort. Seems to me, it's all been me doing all the hard work. I hear him come in behind me. I'm good at feigning indifference. You get good at it when everybody in yer life shits on you. I think he's going to slide in next to me, so I'm kinda surprised when he grabs my wrists and pins me face down on the bed…and lies on me. Angel's at least forty pounds heavier than me, so no way am I gonna move some time soon. But I ain't gonna give in without a fight. I writhe around trying to buck him off. But he only leans in to whisper in my ear, 'I'm really enjoying this. Wriggle some more.'

'Fuck you.' I scream at him. 'Get off me NOW! I am not your fucking Childe anymore. Remember?'

'Spike. Calm down.'

'How fucking dare you say that to me. Get off NOW!' I'm practically crying with frustration, cus I really want him to get off. Don’t want him to see me cry.

'Spike. Why did I tell you, you are gorgeous?'

What? What is the git trying to trick me with now? 'Cus you are a total wanker. NOW GET OFF.'

'Spike. Why did I tell you, you are gorgeous?'

'Are you fucking mad? I've just told you. You were playing soddin' games with me head, that's why.'

'Spike. Why did I tell you, you are gorgeous?'

'Ahhhh…shut up. Shut up. Let me up. Shut up. What do you want me to say?'

'Spike. Why did I tell you, you are gorgeous?'

'Oh Shit, just let me go already. Cus I am. There! Happy? Cus I bleeding am.' And I don't believe it, but he just chuckles against my bare back, and places sweet, gentle kisses up my spine.

'Spike. Why did I tell you, you are gorgeous?'

I can't help but laugh, too, cus you are a poof, that's why, Angelus, and cus I fucking am. I am. And you fancy me. Now let me up.' And he does. But slowly, releasing one wrist at a time, kissing all the way up each arm as he lets go, turning me over slowly, kissing around my side and over my belly. He slides in behind me, spooning me to him and just rubs his hand lightly round and round on my thigh.

'Don't ever doubt me again, Spike. I don't like it.'


'No…just boss.'

'Shirt lifter.'

'Ass licker.'





‘Are you asleep?’

‘Is that the stuff that when you’re doin’ it, you can’t talk to poofs. Cus if it is, then yeah, I am.’ But I don’t try too hard to convince him, cus I’m really hoping that the hand he is swirling over my hip will dip down to my ever-willing cock. Doesn’t. Dips the other way. Only Angel could have a rational conversation whilst pushing two fingers in and out of me arse. Won’t tell ‘im he doesn’t need to. Won’t tell ‘im just lying here with ‘im, talking is what I wanted. What I love. Nah, won’t tell ‘im cus I love shagging too!

‘Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning, Spike?’

‘Cus you’re a...ahhh, yeah, just there...wuss, mate. You’d have stopped me and we need the friggin’ cash!’

‘We got it.’


‘Wesley got it...whilst we were...err...otherwise engaged.’

‘The bleedin’ turncoat!’

‘He’s not, Spike, he’s my loyal employee and my friend...you on the otherhand...’

‘That hand’ll do nicely, pet...ahh, again, just there, umm,’ and he pushes another finger in. He starts stretching his fingers apart, scratching his nails down my inner walls. I practically leap off the edge of the bed. So he calms down and just gently slides them in and out, in and out. He clearly doesn’t want me to come just yet.


‘What?’ It’s real hard to talk when you’re picturing your Sire’s arse bleeding and weeping round your thick cock. ‘What?’

‘Don’t grow up too fast. Please.’

Now that’s a show-stopper. I pull off his fingers and turn in the bed to find him propped up on his elbow, watching me. I mirror his position and match his gaze.

‘You will always be my Childe, Spike. Even though you’re now my...’ he frowns and looks away.

‘What?’ I say, with an embarrassingly rising note in my voice. ‘What am I now?’

‘I don’t know Spike. I’ve been thinking about it at lot since your...dream. Since we’ve started anew. And I just don’t know.’ He seems genuinely sad and worried. He plucks nervously at the sheet while he talks, not catching my eye now. ‘It was all so simple then. You were the favorite of all my Childer. The most beloved...but I loved you all. You know that...we all loved...together. There was rarely just the two of us. Then when you came to LA we were like that again, Sire and Childe. Only we were alone. But now?’ and he looks me straight in the eye, ‘I’d kill you if there was anyone else, Spike. So what does that make us?’

‘Err...lovers, pet?’ He looks aghast. Sick even.

‘No! We’re not lovers! That’s...god, I hate to use one of your expressions, that’s too poofy! I am NOT a poof!’

‘Yes you are,’ I say mildly.

‘Well, what about you then?’ he retorts, clearly quite upset by the turn of this conversation. ‘You’re not...poofy...how would you like someone to call me your lover!’

Oh fucking hell! I’ll be wearing denim shorts next. ‘No fucking way on this earth Mate are you my lover! It’s too hideous to think about.’ This is blood. Guts. Fucking need. ‘I fuck you...I do NOT make love to you. I am NOT your lover.’

‘You suggested it Spike. You said lovers. Not me!’

Oh God. I roll over onto my back and he does the same and we stare at the ceiling from our respective sides of the bed.


‘Oh Christ...that’s worse!’


‘Not in this un-lifetime.’

‘Sleeping friends?’

‘Fuck off.’


‘Ain’t got one.’


‘Hard warriors who follow a vampire code of male bonding rituals?’

‘Better, but a bit long for initial introductions to clients.’

‘Close frie...ouch! Stop hitting me.’

‘Sire and Childe?’

‘Sire and favorite Childe?’

‘Sire and only Childe left. Ow!’

‘Sire and most favored of all Childer.’

‘Kind of long again.’

‘No names then, mate? Just us. No labels?’

‘So I’ll tell them you are my...undefined relationship, shall I?’

‘Tell who?’

‘Cordelia and Wesley. Isn’t that what we’ve been discussing, what to tell Cordy and Wes, about us?’

‘Oh. They already know. Hey! Don’t growl at me, pet. I think the fact that we’ve been permanently hard for the last two weeks, often...rumpled...frequently showering...constantly coming down here for ‘training sessions,’ rather gave it away. So I told ‘em. Only fair really.’

‘What did you tell them, Spike. About us. Exactly what favored term did you use to describe...this,’ he sits up and swings his legs off the bed, facing away from me. He’s clearly angry, his back is all tense and rigid.

I slide over to him and just rest lightly against him. He doesn’t pull away.

‘It was easy, pet. I just told ‘em that we’re family. We’re blood. We’re forever.’

It’s some time before we both pull apart enough to speak again. The frenzy of his need for me seemed overwhelming. But something is clearly still bothering him. He looks at me with those huge brown eyes, raw with pain and doubt.

‘So, this is just...fucking then, is it, Spike? Is that all you’re doing with me?’

‘Oh, you total tosser, Angel. I just knew you wouldn’t let that get past ya. What do you think, mate? What do you think I’m doing when I do this...’ and I kiss him, gently over both eyes. ‘What do you think this is all about...’ I move down and bite his nipple till it is erect and hard. ‘And this...?’ I swallow the end of his cock, pushing my tongue against the slit, pulling his foreskin up around us both. ‘This is all just fucking, you reckon, mate?’

He pulls me up till I am half lying on his chest and smiles at me, kissing me deeply. Then holding me tightly to him he falls asleep with his face resting on my hair.

I’m not sure what’s been decided in this bed tonight. I never really know what goes on in the poof’s deep, angst-filled brain. But I reckon he’s about as happy tonight as he’s ever gonna get. Family. Blood. Forever. Don’t get any better than that.


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